halloween nun margarita

BAD BETTY'S HALLOWEEN RANT

Yes, it’s still that time of year. We believe we've been talking about Halloween for at least a month now, and we are done.  cooked. We don’t mind the holiday but the endless parties, parades and pumpkin paraphernalia are wearing on us.

It used to be that Halloween was a “pop-up" holiday, it appeared on October 30th, you threw together a costume, you got through it in a sugar-induced coma, and then it was November 1st.  Now it has become a mega-holiday like Christmas, beginning in June and festering. The pumpkins {don't get me started on the envorinmental disaster that is the pumpkin industry} we bought mid-September are slumping, nothing but mush on our doorstep.

Betty is responsible for some of the Halloween hysteria. We've been talking about pumpkin patches, pumpkin festivals, pumpkin painting {anything pumpkin}. They're all fun activities that get you in the spirit, but it's time to give it a rest. So as a public service {and to atone for all our previous pumpkin peddling}  there are a few Halloween events we need to mention are “not-to-do’s” or “do at your own risk” or "go ahead and do it, but don't say we didn't tell you"...

#1 Halloween adventure on the Not-To-Do list?...Salem.  Really Betty, this should be a no-brainer: do not go to the the world's largest Perfectly-Nice-Historical-Town-Turned-Witch-Theme-Park-In-October. Seems perfectly rational, right? Some people still consider it.  Don't.  Honestly, don't go ever, but the month of October is a real no-no. Unless you're a sucker for adults dressing up and acting badly.... in public.... with no candy overload to excuse their behavior.  Part creepy, part soft-porn.  Betty may sound extreme- but it's nothing compared to the extreme you're going to encounter in Salem this month.

#2 No more corn mazes.  Aside from the duncey couple that got lost in one and had to call 911, they're getting old.  The worn, limp paths of dog-eared cornstalks are just sad.  It was all cheery and autumn harvesty-like a month ago.  Now Betty is afraid of what fungus is growing in that corn.  afraid. Go to the patch, pick your pumpkin, drink your cider, and get out. Maze free.

#3 Itz-A-Party.  Could be renamed It's-A-Zoo {still}.  It's filled with unhappy children who wanted the Green Lantern costume but found that it's sold out.  So what will you find?  Only random, left-over, lice laden pieces to evert costume you never before considered wearing.  One fake nose,  a magenta Cher wig, and a gigantic baby pacifier.  Not even a Kardashian would make an outfit out of that.  Unless of course she is in Salem, where all the above {worn with not much else} count as a costume.

Consider yourself forwarned.

Now Bad Witch Betty is signing off- we have striped stockings to wash and a bicycle to tune.  You and your little dog too…